


o night divine

by thekardemomme



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Presents, Declarations Of Love, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 00:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekardemomme/pseuds/thekardemomme
Summary: This is the first Christmas in nearly five years that he’s spending without Isak, and while he still decorated his apartment and bought eggnog and spent an excruciating amount of time wrapping all of his gifts perfectly, the hole in his heart hasn’t gone unnoticed. It creeps in every time he goes to ask Isak for a bow for his gifts, every time he comes home and has to turn on the Christmas lights himself because Isak wasn’t there to do it for him, every time he plays Christmas music much too loud because Isak isn’t studying in the other room and teasingly pleading for him to turn it down a few notches.It also creeps in when he sees Isak’s present sitting under the tree, neatly wrapped. It’s been wrapped for two months, actually.





	o night divine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jules1398](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules1398/gifts).



> merry christmas, chicago!! hope u like angst. also sorry this wasn't even giving isak a dildo, i did like that idea but :/ i love hurting characters more (not as much as you, probably). also yeah these are yankee candle scents but just PRETEND it’s some expensive brand ok. yes i also stole the gift from that one twitter post
> 
> enjoy!!!!!

Christmas is Even’s favorite holiday.

He always spends hours decorating on the first of December, going all out even within the confines of his small apartment. He loves buying the perfect gifts for people and getting to see the smiles on their faces when they open them. He loves eggnog and Christmas carols and twinkly lights and Santa Claus and he just _loves_ the entire thing.

This is the first Christmas in nearly five years that he’s spending without Isak, and while he still decorated his apartment and bought eggnog and spent an excruciating amount of time wrapping all of his gifts perfectly, the hole in his heart hasn’t gone unnoticed. It creeps in every time he goes to ask Isak for a bow for his gifts, every time he comes home and has to turn on the Christmas lights himself because Isak wasn’t there to do it for him, every time he plays Christmas music much too loud because Isak isn’t studying in the other room and teasingly pleading for him to turn it down a few notches.

It also creeps in when he sees Isak’s present sitting under the tree, neatly wrapped. It’s been wrapped for two months, actually.

They’d broken up 4 days after Even wrapped that gift. October 2nd he was shopping for the perfect gift, because one part of Isak’s gift was seasonal and had to be bought in October, and it was wrapped by the next evening. October 7th, Isak sat him down and went on a long talk about how they weren’t going to work out, they’d been fighting too much and they moved in together too early and they’re different people now than they were when they were 17 and 19 and maybe, just maybe, their relationship had run its course.

Even had begged for them to talk about it and at least try to work it out, and Isak has been _so close_ to agreeing to give it another shot. But then Isak had said something about the emotional toll that this relationship was beginning to have on him, how it felt like they were both trying too hard to chase the spark and electricity that they once had, and Even knew he had to let Isak go. It was selfish of him to ask Isak to stay in a relationship that wasn’t making him happy anymore. Isak’s happiness is what matters most to Even, and if it lies somewhere other than with Even, he can’t be mad about it.

He can be sad, though, and the number of empty ice cream cartons that Even has thrown out in the past two months is a testament to that.

He’ll get over Isak, he knows that. It takes time to get over the love of your life and the man who’d been a constant in your life for four—so close to five, if you count Halloween as the beginning of them—years. But Even knew he’d manage. The holidays just have a way of making him feel especially lonely, and makes him miss Isak exponentially more than he had the last 2 weeks of November—the first time he’d actually felt sort of okay since the split.

The gift sitting under the tree mocks him. He’s not even sure why he put it there. Probably on accident. Otherwise he would’ve kept it locked in the closet forever.

It’s easy enough not to think about it being under the tree, but Even can’t help but focus on it now, because the boys are coming over for a movie night and Even had been trying to clean when he stumbled across the package again. It’s hard to ignore the existence of something when it’s right under your nose.

Hopefully the boys don’t see it.

As if on cue, while Even is deep in thought about the gift, there’s a knock on the door. He scrambles away from the tree, cheeks burning as if he’d already been caught, and hurried to grab the door. The boys are all standing there holding beers and eggnog and other random shit, and they greet Even excitedly, as if they hadn’t just seen him two days ago.

“We weren’t sure what type of alcohol mixes best with eggnog, so we brought all of it,” Mutta grins, and sure enough, Even is subjected to watching at least six bottles of various types of liquor being placed on his counter. He rolls his eyes good naturedly.

“Brandy, bourbon, or rum,” Even clarifies, reaching for a bottle of rum that Mikael had been holding. “This one should work.”

The boys cheer, grabbing cups out of Even’s cabinets and starting to mix drinks. Even just laughs and heads back for the living room to set up Netflix. He would’ve been more prepared for their arrival if he hadn’t gotten so distracted with Isak’s present being under the tree, damn it. Now he has to trust the boys not to fuck anything up in his kitchen.

“So many gifts,” he hears, and he turns to see Mikael looking at all of them. “Who are they all for?”

“Family, mostly.”

Mikale kneels by the tree while Even continues fiddling with the TV. Netflix had logged him out and he had to log back in, son of a bitch. He’s not even sure if he can remember his Netflix password.

“None for us,” Mikael observes, teasing.

“Why would I get you boys anything? You all deserve coal.”

Mikael snorts. “As if you’re any more well behaved than the rest of– Hey, Even… Why the fuck do you have a gift for Isak under the tree?” His voice doesn’t sound angry or judgmental, but it does sound concerned, and Even can’t fight the wince. God damn Mikael and his curiosity.

“Oh, that? Um, nothing,” Even mumbles, but one glance at Mikael lets him know that he better start spilling before Mikael has to pull it out of him. “I bought it before we broke up.”

“You’ve had this since _October?!”_

Even tenses, feeling his defenses go up, “Yeah, so? Part of it was seasonal and I had to get it around Halloween, so I figured I’d just get everything then. It was in my closet with other gifts so I must’ve brought it down on accident. Just haven’t moved it back. Is it really that serious?”

Mikael gives him an _Are you kidding me?_ look and picks up the heavy box, his eyes widening at the sound of clinking glass.

“Be careful, it’s fragile.”

“Even, what the fuck is this.”

Even hesitates, so Mikael asks—demands—again. But he doesn’t get the chance to answer before all of the boys come bounding in, liquor in hand and way too enthusiastic about spending Christmas Eve shoved up in Even’s apartment watching romcoms. He knows they’re all there to keep him company since it’s his first Christmas alone in a while, and he both loves and resents that.

Loves it because he has the best fucking friends ever, but hates it because they’re spending time doing things they would never do otherwise all because Even is fucking pathetic.

Pathetic enough to hold onto his ex-boyfriend’s Christmas present.

“What’s that?” Adam asks, sitting next to Mikael on the floor and taking the box from him. He, too, goes wide-eyed at the weight, but narrows them right back when he sees the name on the tag. “So, uh, why the fuck do you have a gift for Isak under the tree? Are you two talking again?”

“No, I…” Even sighs, shaking his head and turning back to Netflix. It’s all signed in and ready, which means there’s nothing for him to busy himself with to avoid eye contact. He has no backup distractions, unfortunately. So he turns back to them and shrugs. “I bought it for him in October and we broke up before I could give it to him, long story but don’t ask.”

 _Pathetic,_ Even thinks. _I’m so fucking pathetic._

Elias shrugs, “Maybe you should give it to him.” At everyone’s confused looks—and Mikael’s outcry of _What?!—_ he just rolls his eyes. “He already spent the money on it, and clearly the present means something, otherwise Even would’ve just returned it. They’ve been split up for two months, I don’t think that going to give him a Christmas present will be _that_ awkward. Aren’t you two on speaking terms again?” He directs the last question to Even, and all eyes are on him. Even blushes.

“Uh, I guess? We were never really off of them, in Isak’s book. I was the one who asked for the space.”

“Have you two talked since?” Mutta asks, and Even nods. They had, but only twice. Once about Isak coming to get his stuff, and once when Isak texted him to ask if he was okay because he hadn’t heard from him and we was, understandably, worried about Even having an episode or something. “Have you two seen each other?”

“Not since he came to get the last of his stuff, no,” Even offers up weakly. “He tried to meet up the last time we texted, just to make sure I was okay, but I said no and he said he understood.”

Elias shrugs again, leaning back on the couch and tapping the gift. “Well, I say it’s Christmas Eve and you have a gift for him and there’s no reason not to give it to him. Unless you don’t want to, which is also perfectly fine and understandable.”

All eyes land on Even again, and he anxiously fiddles with his sleeve. On the one hand, he doesn’t want to freak Isak out or make him uncomfortable. He also doesn’t want to see Isak again and feel all the hurt come rushing back. These past two months have been hard as fuck and while he’s not completely over Isak, nowhere fucking close, he also doesn’t want to be brought back to square one again. He’s not sure he can relive that pain again.

On the other hand, he yearns to see Isak. He misses him so much it hurts sometimes, and part of him wants Isak in his life even if it’s just as friends. Hell, Isak has been in his life for five years now, he can’t just give him up cold turkey and expect everything to be okay. Getting over him romantically is one thing, but getting over losing his best friend makes this whole thing that much harder.

Also, he knows how much Isak will love this gift.

“I don’t see a reason not to,” Even says finally, avoiding Mikael’s eyes. He knows Mikael wants him nowhere near Isak, for heartbreak avoidance purposes. He’d even put a strain on his and Jonas’s relationship for it—which Even admittedly feels slightly guilty for, even though Mikael insists that it’s not his fault.

Adam hands the box to Even, and gestures to the door. “Go on, then. We’ll try not to mess anything up in your apartment until you get back,” he grins, and Even panics all of a sudden.

“Wait, I’m going _alone?”_

“Uh, yeah?” Mutta snorts. “This isn’t the type of thing where bringing a friend along is socially acceptable. It’s between you and Isak, bro.”

“Moral support is _definitely_ socially acceptable.”

Elias stands, practically starting to shove Even out the door. All of his friends, the fucking assholes, join in, laughing and jeering and pushing him towards the door despite Even’s best efforts to dig his heels in and halt them. Some friends they are.

Anyway, that’s how Even ends up standing in front of Isak’s door alone, freezing to death from the long walk here, knuckles going white from where he’s holding the package in a death grip. He feels so stupid all of a sudden, like he’s going to knock on the door and Isak will laugh in his face, and he’ll deserve it. Like, who the fuck comes to their ex’s house months after a breakup just to bring them a Christmas gift? Surely that’s the number one sign that you’re clingy and definitely not over your ex.

Which is at least partially true in Even’s case, but it’s not like he wants Isak to know that.

He should just go home. He can try his best to return his gifts and if they won’t let him then he can use them, or something. But there is no way in hell he’s going to knock on Isak’s door and give him a Christmas present, no fucking way. Even may be the inventor of taking desperate to a new level, but this is a level he never wanted to be on.

Just as he’s taking a step back, the door swings open, and all of Even’s breath promptly leaves his body. Isak is standing there, bundled up in a coat and a scarf and gloves, cheeks red and a smile on his face. It breaks Even’s heart when the smile falls upon seeing Even standing there, but he forces a smile onto his own face and hoping it doesn’t seem pained.

“Even?” Isak asks, tilting his head in confusion. He looks down, takes in the large box in Even’s hands, and then makes eye contact again. “What are you doing here?”

“If I’m being honest, I don’t really know,” he murmurs, and Isak’s lips pull into a thin line. And Even _hates_ that, hates it so much, so he tries to backpedal instantly. “Uh, I mean, I just… Look, I know we broke up like two months ago and this is a really stupid thing to do, but I already bought you your Christmas gift? In, like, October. And it’s too late to return it now and I know you’d really like it, so I figured I’d just bring it over, so… Merry Christmas.” He shoves the box towards Isak, nearly hitting him in the chest with it.

Isak, looking both confused and sad now, gingerly takes the box. He studies it for a few moments, awkward silence filling the space between them, and Even feels bile rising up in his throat. God, he knew this was stupid. He knew that Isak would think he was creepy and clingy. He should just go.

Even steps back again, shoving his hands in his pockets and digging his fingernails into his palms. He feels so, so stupid. “I’m sorry if I bothered you. I should get going. Um, Merry Christmas again,” he mumbles out, spinning on his heel and trying to run off before Isak can see the tears collecting in his eyes.

“Even, wait.”

The sentence halts him in his tracks, and he slowly turns to see Isak clutching the box tighter now. Even thinks Isak’s eyes might be wet, but he blames it on the shitty hallway lighting.

“Do you want to come in?” He asks, even though he was clearly planning to go somewhere and inviting Even in is probably going to make him late for whatever it is. “I’ve got eggnog and gingerbread, and, um… I’ve got something for you, too.” At Even’s hesitation, a silly smile makes its way to Isak’s face. Even is hopelessly endeared, as if the last two months never happened. “Come on, Even. It’s cold out here, you look like you’re freezing to death.”

And, well, he _is._ So he slowly steps forward, accepting Isak’s invitation to come in and hoping it wasn’t the wrong choice.

Even sits in the living room while Isak gets him a glass of eggnog and a couple of gingerbread cookies. There’s an unnamed tension in the room, and they’re both dancing around each other like they’re trying to avoid saying certain things or touching each other at all. Even hates the entire thing, because this time last Christmas they were cuddled up on the couch watching Christmas films, and now they can’t even brush hands without profusely apologizing.

Isak sits across the coffee table from Even, in an armchair that he hated when Even picked it out. He leans over and grabs a gift from under the tree, handing it over. Even accepts it.

“I’ll open mine first,” Isak says, and Even lifts his glass to his lips, hoping to drown the lump in his throat with eggnog. “Since you came all this way.”

He starts tearing at the wrapping paper and Even feels like he could vomit. He didn’t know that he’d have to sit through watching Isak actually open the gift, and now he feels more fucking stupid than ever.

“Wait,” Even says quickly, and Isak freezes, giving him wide doe eyes. “Let me open mine first. Um. Since I came all this way, we should save the best for last.” His words are choked at best, so Isak offers him a smile.

“Okay. But be careful what you say, I think you’re underestimating my gifting abilities.”

Even laughs a little. “You think you’re better than me at picking out the perfect Christmas gifts?”

“Maybe not,” Isak allows, watching Even start to untie the bow. “But I definitely know how to pick out gifts for my boyfriend.” Even’s hands freeze on the bow, but he doesn’t look up at Isak. The nausea comes back full force. “Or, I mean, my ex boyfriend. Sorry.”

Even shakes his head as if to say _don’t be,_ and then finishes the bow. He lifts the lid on the box and then starts pulling out the tissue paper, all of a sudden desperate to see what Isak had gotten him.

Inside, he finds hundreds of pieces of paper. He knows what they are without even having to pick one up, and he has to shove the lid back down on the box.

“See? I told you,” Isak says, but his voice is watery. Even forces himself to look up.

“You saved all of these?” Even asks, his voice cracking. He knows he’s practically crying now but he doesn’t care, because Isak had saved every single drawing that Even had ever gifted him, and now they’re sitting in this fucking box on Even’s lap because they’re not together anymore.

Isak nods, looking like he so desperately wants to reach out to Even but doesn’t know if he’s allowed to. “Yeah, of course. It might take some digging but you could even find the _gutten som ikke klarte å holde pusten under vann_ drawing in there.” He studies Even carefully, his eyes searching his face. Even wonders what he sees there.

“I can’t keep these,” Even murmurs. “These are yours.”

“The idea behind the gift was just to show you that I kept them. But now that we’re not together… I think that they’re rightfully yours.”

“You don’t want them?” Even needs to leave. He needs to get out of here before his heart breaks all over again. God, Mikael had fucking warned him that seeing Isak wouldn’t do him any good.

“God, Even, no,” Isak insists, and Even’s hand is suddenly being held. “Of course I want them. I just didn’t know if… It didn’t feel right to keep something so intimate of yours, if that makes sense. I felt like I was crossing a boundary just by looking at them. Like I was looking at things I lost the privilege to be privy to.”

Even puts the box on the table. “They’re yours, Isak. I want you to keep them. Even if you decide to throw them away, or burn them, whatever. They are yours.”

“Okay,” Isak nods. “Thank you.”

“Now open yours,” Even murmurs, to avoid any awkward silences.

Isak goes back to the already torn paper, and finishes ripping it open. He grabs a pair of scissors off of the table to rip open the packing tape, and then opens the box. Even hears him gasp when he sees what’s inside.

“Even, these… These candles aren’t cheap.”

“I know, but they’re your favorite,” Even shrugs, and Isak gapes at him. “Read the letter.”

Isak unpacks all of the candles onto the table and then pulls out the letter, unfolding it carefully. Even tries to drown his lump with eggnog again, but it fails miserably when Isak decides to read the letter out loud.

“Merry Christmas, Issy. I know you hate when I spend this much money on you, but I also know how much you love these candles, because we have like fifteen in our apartment already, so I did it anyway. I got you these candles because I know you love them, but I also decided to be sentimental and get you different scents that represent different memories and things like that. I hope you didn’t think you could get through our sixth Christmas together without a sentimental gift. Anyway, I decided to get you:

“Blueberry scone, because we always split blueberry muffins when we go to KB together. Fresh Cut Roses, because when I told you that no one had ever bought me flowers before, you bought me roses for my birthday. Spiced Pumpkin, because our first kiss was around Halloween and I know you and I consider that one of the best days of our lives. Mediterranean Breeze, because you always talk about how our trip to Greece was the best thing you’d ever experienced. Clean Cotton, to remind you to change your bedsheets every now and then. Fresh Cut Gardenia, because it reminds me of the greenhouse we visited in Paris and I remember how much you loved it, and how you glowed when telling anyone else about it. And, finally, Jasmine Green Tea, because of all the late nights you and I spend drinking tea and talking about the universe, just because one of us can’t sleep and the other can’t sleep alone.

“I hope you like them. I also printed out this picture of us from our first Christmas together. Hopefully you find this picture worthy of being framed or something, but if not, that’s okay. You can just stick it in a drawer somewhere. Merry Christmas, baby. I love you.”

Isak’s properly crying now, holding the picture in one hand and the letter in the other, staring at Even hopelessly like he doesn’t know what to say. Even would be trying to fill the silence if he wasn’t crying, too.

“Even, I…” Isak attempts, and then just shakes his head, standing up and moving to sit next to Even on the couch. He pulls Even into the tightest hug they’ve shared in quite a long time, and Even hugs back, because he loves Isak so fucking much.

He loves Isak with every fiber of his being. He’s not sure how he ever thought he’d get over this man when just one Christmas gift exchange is enough to send him into a spiral of love.

“I’m sorry,” Even whispers into Isak’s hair, clinging tighter still. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you leave. If I could go back in time and fix it, I would, I swear I would.”

“Even—”

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Even barrels on, because he didn’t say this when Isak broke up with him and he may never get the chance to say it again. “I’m sorry I didn’t make you happy like I should’ve. I’m sorry I let us lose our spark. I’m sorry I wasn’t what you needed. God, I’m just so fucking _sorry,_ Isak.”

Isak pulls back, cups Even’s cheeks. “Even, please, just—”

“I love you,” Even interjects. “I love you just as much now as I did when I first told you I loved you. I’ve always loved you, so fucking much it hurts sometimes. And I miss you that much, too. I miss holding your hand and having late night talks and I miss you yelling at me to be quiet while you’re trying to study. I miss kissing you, and touching you, and just _being_ with you. I love you so much, Isak, I… Whatever you need me to be, I’ll be it. I’ll be whatever I wasn’t the first time, and whatever I have to be this time. I’ll be enough this time, I swear, just please give me the chance.”

“Even, calm down,” Isak whispers, swiping his thumbs across Even’s cheeks. “Breathe, okay?”

Even’s embarrassed. He’d just spilled his guts to someone who didn’t want to hear it. Too little too fucking late.

“I’m sorry,” Even whispers again. “I should go, I’m sorry I—”

He’s cut off by Isak smashing their lips together. It’s wet and sticky from both of their tears and uncoordinated from losing months together but Even kisses back with everything he has, and tries not to cry anymore. There’s sparks and electricity and it feels like Even has finally come home.

“I love you, too,” Isak whispers when they finally pull away, still so close that his breath is still fanning across Even’s lips. “But you need to calm down, okay? You need to breathe.” He leans back, clears the presents off the table and then picks Even’s empty glass up. “Put on a movie or something, okay? I’ll be right back with more eggnog and a blanket. We can watch something and get you calmed down.”

Hope blooms in Even’s chest, and he nods.

Isak comes back with one blanket, and Even takes it as a promise.

Even spends the night, and he doesn’t get any texts from his friends about how it’s a bad idea. He cuddles under Isak’s arm, and holds him for the first time in months.

In the morning, Even makes breakfast. They eat it together and Isak lights the Spiced Pumpkin candle between them, even though it’s Christmas and not Halloween.

“Our first beginning was at Halloween,” Isak shrugs, when Even asks. Halloween should be his favorite holiday, Even thinks. Since it brought him Isak. “The second beginning might as well have an October-y vibe, right?”

And then he kisses Even under some mistletoe, and Even remembers why Christmas is his favorite holiday.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @medicineontour


End file.
